With the four kids and all of the craziness (and joy) that they bring each and every day to my life I find myself literally ‘done’ by the time the last one is in bed.  I intend to fold a basket of laundry, but I never do.  I consider loading the dishwasher – but it is too much trouble.  I really really want to clean off my dresser for the sake of general order and tranquility – but alas, I find no strength for any such activity.  So, after I check my emails and do a little social networking I collapse into bed to ‘escape’ with some mindless (and I mean really mindless) TV. 

The plan is to watch a little TV, take a shower (no time in the morning for such luxuries) and get to bed early.  I know that tomorrow, like today – and the past 3,742 days will be an early morning so I intend to get to bed at a decent hour.  I’ll need my strength – and my wits to ‘manage’ the kids and ‘manage’ to get them to school without losing my cool.

HOWEVER, the brain turns off and one stupid program comes on after another and I am just too tired to get up and shower yet.  So, I watch just one more show.  Before I know it, it’s 11:47 and I decide to skip the shower (sometimes) and just throw my pajamas on and turn out the lights. 

Tomorrow, is indeed an early morning – and thus begins my dependency on coffee.  I’m still not a huge fan of the taste – however, I have noticed that if you add half a packet of ‘hot cocoa powder’ and pour in some hazelnut flavored coffee creamer – it aint half bad!

I am pretty sure that it is…correction, was my coping mechanism that made me think that.  Othewise I never would have allowed my husband to leave this house.

They have not been nicer.  The passive aggressive behavior, not to mention the openly aggressive behavior continues as usual.  Dinner time is weird without him at the table, calmly asking the kids about their day.  Instead, you have me, cranky after chasing around #4 all day, cooking dinner, doing carpool, homework help, housework etc. saying through clenched teeth, “So, how was your day in school?”  It doesn’t quite translate without hearing my actual tone, but trust me – it aint pretty.

Yesterday Number 4 emptied half of the new toothpaste I bought onto the bathroom floor.  Today he insisted on feeding himself a pudding.  That is not too bad, it’s what he did with the remains of its contents once he decided that he didn’t want anymore that disturbed me.

Onward and forward.  Such is life.  So and and so forth.  Okay, I feel strenthened, ready to face the remainder of my day then collapse into bed as soon as I can get them to go to sleep.

First there is food – there is always food.  Breakfast food is waffles, sometimes toast and on a really good day a bowl of cereal.  (My kids get waffles, french toast and scrambled eggs when Grandpa visits – and sometimes on day three or so of a really big snowstorm).  Then there is Mickey on the TV, unloading the dishwasher from the night before and making lunches.

Soon it’s hurry hurry get everyone else up and dressed and out the door.  Lucky me I do carpool in the morning – joy!  This means I too must get dressed (usually with matching clothes and all in case I need to run an errand on the way home or have to get out of the car at the school which is usually the case and see 17 parents there on their way to work etc.)

Now I have the day to do errands, entertain the little one, laundry, straighten up, entertain the little one, feed him – and myself – nap him (this is a process as my little 2 year old monkey thinks he should be outgrowing naps – but trust me, he shouldn’t) get a little bit of work done (mostly on the computer) think about exercising (this in itself is so mentally exhausting I can’t bear to put the extra effort in to actually exercise) think about dinner and on a good day start by defrosting something to get the ball rolling then go back (more carpool!) to school and get the kids so that they can kill each other in the car and complain to me how hungry they are and did I bring any snack in the car?  Do I ever?  NO!  So why do you keep asking?

Now is when the true fun begins.  Homework, all three big kids wanting/needing/competing for my attention, throwing together dinner and oh yeah – where did that raucous 2 year old go?  So, the kids eat snack while I put together the dinner that they won’t eat.

Hubby comes home – yay – I get about 4 and a half minutes to myself while the fab 4 greet him at the door.  Soon we eat dinner, the kids either pick at it and then complain they want something else to eat (usually a bagel with cheese) or there is wailing that ‘you never make anything I like!”  Okay, what do you like besides pizza and hot-dogs?  Silence.

Yay – it’s almost bedtime.  But not yet.  Time to finish up homework with the girls while the boys chase and wrestle each other in the hallway (yes, I don’t have 2 year old on my arm but boy is it loud in here and what happened to the house I straightened up mere hours ago?!)  Then I get to coerce the girls – again to make their lunches for the next day and finally we can start doing bath (some nights), pajamas, teeth and sweet sweet bed!

Naturally, the bedtime routine is not as simple as 1, 2, 3 – but that is for another post!

So, I ask you; What’s a Mama to do about all of this bickering?

Here are the choices as I see it:

1) Ignore it.  So, when Number 1 says that Number 2 jabbed her in the back, I say ‘you girls need to work it out yourselves.’

2) Be the referee.  So, when Number 3 tells me that Number 2 hit him I say ‘and what did you do to her first?’  I then follow-up with “Come over here you two…”

3) Minimal parenting (a combo?) So, when Number 2 complains that Number 1 is being mean to her I say ‘Number 1, cut it out!’  I’m not really getting involved nor am I getting all the facts, but kids-stop-it, is clearly the message being conveyed.

I’ve tried all three approaches, sometimes within minutes of each other.  Clearly they each have their pros and cons.  Yet the bickering, fighting, tormenting, mean-spirited behavior, smacking, kicking, annoying, passive aggressive and out right aggressive behavior continues. (Can I get an arrrggg?)

I am sure that the answer lies in the knowing which situation calls for which approach yada yada yada.  But can someone tell me, when does all this fighting end????

Is it that the first three spoiled me and were super easy and this is just what children do? Could be, but I don’t think so.

Numbers 1 – 3 were ‘normal’ toddlers and there were plenty of challanges and hard times. But this kid is pushing me to the limit. He is toddler extreme.

Ways that Number 4 goes above and beyond the call of duty of making me crazy:
* Uber clingy as a baby (number 4 is not allowed to be that clingy – I know I read that somewhere).
* He’s a scratcher – he still is, but this is something he started very young. When he was a newborn I got him those hideous baby mittens so he wouldn’t mark up his face. As he got a little bit older he would throw his hands at the closest persons face and just grab a handful. There was a time when all 6 memebers of the family had red scratch marks on their face from him. Number 3 had it the worst. Whenever he would see him – Number 4 would crawl over to Numer 3 and give him a big hug (they have always been so close and it is truly a joy to see – I never had that with the girls and am hoping one day – before I’m 60 it kicks in, but I digress). As soon as the hug was over he’d claw him in the face -usually aiming for the eyes. I finally taught Number 3 ‘when you see him in the morning hug and duck.’ That worked pretty well. Even now when he is frustrated or upset with me he’ll try to scratch me – not cool!
* From the time he was about 6 months untill fairly recently, if he would cry too hard he would lose conciousness and pass out. He didn’t do this on purpose and I could tell it was scary for him to not be able to catch his breath – and it was totally freaky for me as well.
* He’s a climber – chairs to tables, chairs to counters (to stove) etc.
* He’s not satisfied with just climbing, oh no! Once he reaches his summit he looks for something to throw. There was one week where we had 4 picture frames, 2 mugs and 3 glasses break ala Number 4. (Most of them were from my house, though my Mother has lost a mug or two).
* He climbs into the dryer. This one seems to freak people out. It’s not on though! I think it’s kind of cute and put video of it on fb.
* Whenever a sibling or parent for that matter is playing a game (with pieces) he’ll rush over and fling his entire body as best he can to swipe the peices and mess up the board. This brings him much joy.
* He flushes things (besides the obvious tissues, the flushed half of the toilet paper holder) down the toilet, turns on the bathtub, pulls up the drain from the shower and rumages through the toilety drawers. (And no, I don’t leave him alone – sometimes he manages to escape for a moment or two though).
* He gets into his sisters (washable, but still) markers and colors on himself.
* Empties the contents of…just about anything – my purse, the overnight bag, cabinets filled with containers, pots etc.
* Oh that reminds me, he just recently found that if he takes the lid to a pot and throws in on the floor it makes a great noise. Sometimes it goes round and round until it stops – really cool!
* At the supermarket (a personal favorite of mine) he insists on the largest cart then climbs out afte a minute or two. He won’t walk next to me – and truthfully, do I want this kid walking around in a supermarket? So I carry him while I push the cart and shop for items. Now that he is a bit older (just turned two) he sees things that he wants and makes his wishes known, loudly, throughout the store. Today – on a side note – he was screaming at the store and he hadn’t napped and he was scatching me so I put him down and held his hand while I was on line. The woman in front of me had a cart full. But the person who annoyed me the most was the idiot checker who was moving slower than mollases. Don’t you see my kid is having a tantrum? Can you bag, oh I don’t know just a tad faster? Would it kill you? Well, it nearly killed me – and everyone else around us. But nevermind that, I moved on and bought myself a muffin (bad mommy!)
* I’m sure there are more and I’ll have to update later.

My point in all of this is, this kid is making me CRAZY. There are no if ands or buts about it. However, it amazes me sometimes how even though he is all of the above – and more! I find him (most of the time) delightful, funny, and a true joy.

Parenting is funny like that. God was smart giving us these Mothering instincts and pure love thing. We sure as hell need it!

I had oh so much to do (not to mention the fact that Little Boy 4 doesn’t believing in allowing Mommy to rest in bed/couch while he plays near me) as Friday night we are hosting 14 high school girls for dinner.  Did I mention my husband is a high school teacher?  Once a year (and sometimes twice) a number of the teachers host a class in their home for dinner one weekend and then after dinner they all get together and hang out (with program.) 

I had a lot of cooking to do.  Plus, did I mention shopping?  My plan was to shop Wed. morning after I do carpool (have I mentioned my favorite part of carpool?  It’s the moment we wave goodbye and I get to enjoy my quiet ride home   then cook on Wed. and Thursday so that on Friday I wouldn’t stress out and I could do last minute setting up tables, chairs etc.

Well, Wednesday morning I felt like crap.  Actually I felt like CRAP.  But anyway, I didn’t see that I had much choice.  Now this could really be an entirely different post, but sometimes the morning routine in this household leaves me a bit stressed out (read extremely stressed out). 

I would love to be able to ‘let it go’ and not let it bother me.  I wish I could ignore it I really really do, but the bickering, pushing, hitting and name calling (amongst my children) in the morning presses my buttons like nothing else.  (It’s not just the morning bickering that bothers me but somehow it does seem worse then.)

So, as we all are rushed to dress and get out of the house I am ‘biting my kids heads off’.  And by ‘biting off’ I mean snapping at them unnecessarily - though at the time it didn’t feel unneccessary.  (Why on earth are you moving so slow?  Don’t you see your brother standing there?  How many times have I told you not to elbow him – just get out of his way or ask him nicely? etc etc.)   That may not seem all that bad.  The truth is it’s all about the tone and let me tell you my tone was mean bordering on nasty that morning. 

As I spew the crankiness around the house I know I should stop but I can’t (of course, I am a human being and really I can if I want to or if I will myself to etc. but at that moment I was too overcome and crankiness gave in

My poor husband is trying to get me to ‘chill’ a little bit without having his own head bit off in the process – not an easy feat.  He does manage to get me to take a couple of deep breaths and I wish I could say it helped much that morning, but as the bickering and passive aggressive behavior (have you  met my daughter?) continued my crankiness it kept on a comin.

Eventually we load into the car and are on our way to school.  When the bickering reaches heights of intolerability (not a real word) for me I crank up the radio.  If I don’t butt in I won’t be as aggravated.  Plus with the music a-blarin it really is harder for them to bicker as now they need to shout their rude insults (not jut mutter them loud enough for their sibling to hear – all the while pretending he/she wasn’t talking to them…)

As we pull up to school it is clear that Number 3 needs another day at home.  His body has just not recovered from the flu.  So, off to the supermarket I go with Numbers 3 and 4 and me feeling, well a little feverish and a lot like I need a nap. 

Number 4 insists on the biggest shopping cart (the one with the car attached to it) and then refuses to sit in it for more than 3 minutes.  He doesn’t want to walk along side of me (don’t be silly) he wants to run and pull things off the shelves.  So, I have him tucked under my arm like a football in one hand and push the cart with the other.  Poor Number 3 is exhausterated (another ‘not real’ word) and plods along side of me.

I manage to fill my cart with most of the things I need and plenty of things I don’t.  I pay and manage to load the car with groceries and children, drive home, unload groceries and children and start to cook.

I’m exhausterated.  Number 3 promptly falls asleep on the couch (where he sleeps for 4 and a half hours!).  I begin to cook.  I have too much to do to even question that decision.

When nap time rolls around not too much later I put both Number 4 and myself to bed.  I get a good sleep (woo-hoo!) and wake up in time to go do afternoon carpool.

I have so much left to do but decide I will make it an early night.  Tomorrow is another day

Children 1 and 3 were not going to go to school today since they had fever yesterday I was keeping them home (the 24 hour rule – you know…) and Number 2 was going to be picked up by a friend.  About half an hour before she was supposed to leave she says those three dreaded words, ‘my head itches.’  I could feel my body go into panic mode. 

I checked her head.  Lots of dandruff.  I checked okay.  Nope, she looked fine to me.  Then I saw her itching some more.  I checked again.  This time I saw something that maybe wasn’t dandruff - maybe it was a nit.  Oh God!  I checked my son – I found some suspicious dandruff on him too.  Help!!!  I screamed (inside my head of course.)  I told my husband, “I think the kids have lice.”  Now, take the biggest ‘lice freak’ that you know and double it – that is my husband and his feelings towards lice. 

Needless to say I didn’t send her to school.  I made an appointment to see ‘the lice lady’ and I dreaded the amount of time and money I was about to spend with her.  I stripped the beds and started on the laundry.  I knew I’d be spending lots of intimate time with my washer over the next 24 – 48 hours and so I began the process as soon as I could. 

My head was spinning.  Don’t sit there – put your hair up.  My head is itching too – I’m sure that I have it.  How am I going to sit for 3 hours while this woman goes through my head to remove these nasty bugs?  What am I going to do with Number 4?  He won’t sit – or watch.   Oh God, I can’t do this.

I pack diapers, toys, snacks, a bagel (what am I thinking all 4 kids will share one bagel for lunch?) more snacks, a couple water bottles, crafts and a book for me (that just may be the biggest joke of all).  I’m assuming we’ll be at her house for 7 hours or so.  It takes about 2 – 3 hours per child (and she has a couple people who work for her) and with three of us being girls – and long hair – I figure we’ll be on the later end.

So, we pull up to her house with our bundle (I hide as much as I can in the diaper bag so as not to appear like a freak planning to move in with her entire family.)  and head it.  She has converted her garage (very large garage) into a quasi salon of sorts – only it’s all about de-liceing and not frosting your tips (I don’t know…).  The girls get slathered up with olive oil and the checking beings.  Number 4 is happily playing on a swing that is set up in the middle of the room and I wait for the bad news.

I look at the checkers faces – no frowns.  But maybe that is part of the game.  Who the hell knows?  And then – a miracle (or something  that is not a miracle but certainly feels like it at this moment.)  “She’s clean, no lice….This one too.  Let’s check the brother.”  They check ‘the brother’ and I tell them not to bother with the baby if all three big ones don’t have it (he’s not in school aka lice central like they are).  I get the clear – all three of them – NO LICE.  I do a happy dance (in my head.) 

I thank the lice lady profusely (as if she had anything to do with it.)  I buy some of her organic detangler, shampoo and conditioned lice repellent product, a lice checking comb, pay her for her time (not cheap) and dance out the door.

Just then – at that moment my phone rings.  Guess who?  Hubby!  He is so happy to hear that he makes me repeat myself four or five times.  Oh happy day!

Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

First it was the lice (I know, even thinking of those nasty little bugs will make your head itch and I’m sorry – but I’ve had lice-a-phobia for sometime and even though my kids now lather up regularly with rosemary scented shampoo and get sprayed each morning with the ‘Lice Knowing You’ detanglerspray and I insist on ponytails to school – still I itch whenever I hear it’s name.   But I digress…) Happily, thankfully, poo-poo-poo my children have not gotten lice, not since it started making its regular rounds at their school, oh some three years ago.  Thank God! 

There have been some pretty close calls though.  This past Saturday night a friend of Child number one came over just for a bit untill her mom could come get her after a birthday party.  They sat and chatted and when her mom came to get her they hugged goodbye and that was that.  Well, the next day I get a call from her mom that one of her daughters  was feeling itchy so she and her three girls were going to get their heads checked for lice.  Well, all four of them had it   :-( and so I was sure we were next.

I ran to my lice-checker friend’s house (if you don’t have a lice checker friend I highly suggest you should get one) and she told me that the girl’s hair looked fine but to come back in about a week.  Six days later we were at her doorstep again (I itched and itched and itched for those six days sure we were in for the hell that is lice) thankfully – no lice (or nits). 

Next day in school was when I invested in the ‘Lice Knowing You’ detangler spray and spray it we do – every day and twice on Thursdays. 

Okay, onto flu season.  So Tuesday evening Number 4 (the two year old) feels warm to me and he seems a bit out of it – he fell asleep on me at the table – not normal.  Poor baby had fever   I put him down thinking he’d be up at 11:00 for a few hours to play – but no, he slept untill his usual 6:00 am (sometimes is 6:08 though.) 

Wednesday evening Number 2 got it and stayed home from school on Thursday and Friday.  She had a low grade fever – but a fever is still a fever and so mostly she just hung out at home.  There were a few cold symptoms to go with just for fun.  Saturday night Number 1 told me she had a headache so out came the thermometer which registered 100.00 and Sunday morning Number 3 joined in on the festivities and although he was the only one of my children to get the flu shot this season he has had it the worst – high fever, lethargic and totally yucky.

Even though Mr. 4 was well over his fever since last Tuesday and is basically ‘normal’ he was uber cranky on Sunday and woke up screaming in pain on Monday (today.)  When I asked him where his boo-boo was he said his head, but pointed to his ear.  You know what that means? 

Called the Dr.’s office and got a 3:20 appointment  (that’s a lot of boo-boo hours – ps I love you Motrin).  Spent an hour and a half calling my friends to figure out who could take home Number 2 from school – plus the other girl I was supposed to take home.  Feed, tissue, drink, hold, thermometer repeat on the three that were home for several hours.  Threw Mr. 4 down for a nap at 12:30 and had to wake him at 2:30 to leave to the doctor.

We are almost there and it is pouring – has been all day.  I have an epiphany – the bagel store – dinner!  I pull up and get a spot in front (I have good parking karma – it’s true!)  The kids wait in the car.  I notice Number 3 is asleep in the back.  Two dozen bagels and 1 container of shmear (plus, just in case 2 large cookies and a pumpkin muffin that I know Number 2 likes.  And for good measure I decide to purchase the pumpkin bagel poppers that I have been eyeing.

Back in the car – all is hunky dory!

I pull up to the Dr.’s office 6 minutes early for my appointment but 4 minutes late for my ‘check in’ time.  Too bad – bagels were more important today.  Still pouring.

I brought I change of clothes for Number 4 in the car because he has been in his jammies all day.  Number 3 is still sleeping.  I take Number 4 and his change of clean clothes and Number one into the office with me (the office is right inside of the building and I can see my car from the waiting room window.)  I plop down Number 4 and tell Number 1 to watch him for a minute.  I run back into the rain and gently try to wake Number 3 – gentle is not working.  I yank him out of the car.  Poor kid is warm and looks completely bewildered.  I get back into the waiting room, plop Number 3 on a couch, check myself in at the front desk (I just love co-pays) grab Number 4 and put on his clothing, fill out the lovely ‘what are you doing here today form’ and wait only about 3 minutes untill they call Number 4′s name.  I know that they are thinking – why on earth did this woman bring her entire family with her – and I didn’t even mention how annoyed I was that I forgot to put on earings that day.  I hate the way I look without earings – strange but true.

As we wait in the tiny examining room the kids tear the place apart.  Number 4 loves ripping off the sanitary paper that has been rolled out on the table and both Number 1 and Number 3 are trying to sit on my lap/lean on me and have my full attention. 

I love my kids Dr. and when she comes in we make small talk and I just love talking to another adult (besides the whining that I do to my girlfriends on the phone and or my husband in person).  She is a breath of fresh air – and she is here to help me care for my children.  I really love her.  Of course, she can only do this for about 4.3 minutes – but still…  Both Number 4 and Number 3 have ear infections – down to the pharmacy for antibiotics and perhaps a boxed apple juice.

Time to go home and make dinner.  Faggedaboudit!  Sandwichs for everyone tonight.

I can not say that I have never lied to my children – I am not perfect.  But it is very rare for me to lie to them.  Of course it is okay (more than okay, it’s necessary) to sometimes say ‘that is none of your business’ or ‘I don’t want to talk about that right now’ etc.

But why not lie?  It certainly is easier and can often get you out of a pickle way faster and smoother than the truth.  Well, there are a number of reasons.

1.  Children are smart.  Even if they don’t pick up that you are lying to them right now – one day they will realize it and that trust that you have worked to build with be broken – and if not broken then at the very least tarnished.

2. It is good for them to hear things – even if they are uncomfortable.  For example, ‘No, I will not buy you that – not ever.”  Yes, you may see your child sad, cry or even temper tantrum but they are learning that they cannot always get what they want.  The truth can hurt, but it is the truth, so why not just deal with it?  Surely, along with that comes teaching children coping mechanisms for disappointments and yes, that is hard too. (Nobody said this parenting stuff was going to be a piece of cake!)

3. It can bring you closer by building trust.  (This is the flip side of number one – similar, but different) I will share with you what happened this evening to try to make the case.

Child number one came home from school with her ‘school pictures’ – as did children 2 and 3.  The pictures of children 2 and 3 looked really great.  The picture of child number one looked nice – not great though.  They weren’t a disaster – and I certainly didn’t ‘hate them’ but they weren’t as nice as her pictures from other years and as my Mom would say, “they didn’t do her justice.” 

I, of course, do not say this to her – or to anyone.  I said I don’t believe in lying – I didn’t say I believed in putting my foot in my mouth by declaring every stupid thought that comes into my mind.

Anyway, she keeps asking me over and over “Do you like my pictures?…Are they as good as Number 2′s?…Do I look ugly?…Do you hate them?…”  I tell her, “Number 1, I do like your pictures, they came out very nice.”  She is relentless, “but not as much as Number 2′s, right?  You like hers better?  Right?”

Okay, so this is the tricky point.  She has either picked up on the fact that I like her sisters better from my general reaction to their pictures or (and this is the one I think it is – though you might disagree) she see that her sister took a great shot and hers came out, well, not as good as they could have.  Now she wants me to admit it. 

First I ask myself, why?  Why must she hear me say it?  I don’t know.  I know it is complicated and has something to do with (actually everything to do with) sibling rivalry.  Even if I can analyze it myself (as I am tempted to do) and I nail it on the head, doesn’t mean it will make it go away.  So, I need to choose a course of action. 

I could tell her “Enough of this picture obsessing already.  I told you that I like all of them -now let it be.”  I really could have.  But I don’t.  I tell her, “okay, if you really want me to be honest, I do like your picture this year (I make sure to say that first so that she doesn’t get it wrong) but I liked your picture more other years.”  I think that I did a great job of satisfying her by telling her the truth (that she was already feeling) and only comparing herself to herself and not to her sister. 

She is not satisfied.  “So, you like Number 2′s better?  Her picture came out good this year and mine didn’t?” she responds.  And so I tell her that her sisters picture looks like she does but that her picture did not come out as beautiful as she was (maybe this was wrong – but she had me cornered – perhaps I should have gone with the we’re’-not-going-to-talk-about-this-anymore-approach.) 

“I knew it, you hate it!  I look ugly.  You really hurt my feelings,” she says.  Is she kidding me?  I know she isn’t .  Plus, I could have told you (rather, I should have told myself) this would happen.  I know this girl.  I know how sensitive she is and how she is always looking for ways to make me admit that I love another sibling more than her or in someway they get something that she doesn’t – and that is not fair!  It’s all about being fair.  Arrrggg!

So, in response to her now being upset and accusing me of these ugly mothering crimes, I say, “Are those your words, or my words?”  Ooohhh, I love that – I know I’m on the right track now.  She doesn’t answer.  “Yeah, but…” she trails off…  So I repeat, “my words – or your words?”  “Mine,” she mumbles.  And just to drive the point home I say, “please don’t put words in my mouth – I kept saying ‘peanut butter’ and you kept saying ‘jelly?’ and I’d say ‘peanut butter!” and you’d say ‘jelly?’”  I say this a few more times – she starts to laugh.

Okay, I think we’re done with that one – and thankfully the fallout is not so bad.  Fifteen minutes later she comes into my room and asks, “so about the school pictures…”  I hold my breath – oh, please not again, “are you disappointed that my pictures didn’t come out as well as they did other years?”   “No,” I tell her, “I’d love your picture even if one eye was closed and your tongue was hanging out (I do a demonstration.)  “why?” she asks.  This one is easy, “because I love you and I would love anything from you, I say. 

She smiles and we hug – a happy ending after all

Is it okay that I tell myself it’s okay not to clean up the mess and clutter today because I am doing something more important – playing with my child?

Is it okay to eat a pudding for breakfast?

Is it okay to tell my daughter that I like her school picture as much as her younger sister’s, even when the truth is I kind of wish she’d take it again or re-take day?

Is it okay to park my toddler in front of the dvd so I can have half an hour to read my book?

Is it okay to drop off my son at my Mom’s and run as fast as I can for the front door?

Is it okay to exaggerate (just a little) to my husband how rough my day was with the kids so that when he gets home I’ll get a little more sympathy (and help)?

Is it okay let me toddler get away with three animal crackers and two bites of American cheese for lunch?

Is it okay to push off paying the bills for one more day?

Is it okay to spend 5 minutes saying goodnight to one child and 10 minutes with another?

Is it okay to chat on facebook with my friends instead of loading the dishwasher?

Is it okay to serve chicken nuggets (from the freezer) again for dinner?

Is it okay to turn up the radio REALLY LOUD when my kids fight in the car as a way of dealing?

Is it okay to talk about my children to my girlfriends?

Is it okay to leave it for the cleaning lady?

Is it okay to screen my phone calls – from friends and family?

Is it okay that I haven’t seen the surface of my desk in over 6 months?

Is it okay that I let on to my kids how much I hate homework – almost as much as they do?

Is it okay that sometimes I just don’t care.

Hmmm….  lots to think about.